Argument Pool

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Proverbs 18:17 — The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.

What it is speaking to me:

I am an average pool player.

Actually no, I am not a good pool player.

But one time, I played the best pool game of my life. I got partnered with an absolutely amazing pool player (I think he was a nationally ranked amateur or semi-professional, can't remember all the way) at a wedding I was taking pictures at.

He guided my every shot, telling me where to hit the cue ball, how hard to hit, so it would hit the right ball, in the right spot, to set up my NEXT shot, and the NEXT one. Understand what I am saying — he was trying to get me to think about my next THREE shots, assuming I would make the first two.....for real.

I had never thought past whatever shot I was taking. He was thinking about every shot he was going to have to make to win...all at the first shot. I did play a great game, for me. Never been able to do it again.

This proverb is kind of teaching the same lesson. We hear one side of a story from a friend, or from one of the spouses of a couple you are counseling, or a church member who has a problem with someone else. And their story sounds really good. Like they are absolutely in the right, and this "other" person is completely unreasonable and really out of line. And most of us, at least once in our lives, have acted on that one-sided information. With any luck, we only do that once. Every once in a while, that one-sided story is actually mostly accurate. Often, it is just one side of the story. Nearly as often, the first to speak is even less accurate in their portrayal of the facts than the second. And that is the point.

Listening to and then acting after hearing one side of an argument is like playing pool the way I do. Every once in a while you might get it right, but you will rarely win. Taking a conversational shot at the first ball (story) is never as good as thinking about the second ball (story), and really, the whole table.

It's ok to be bad at pool.It isn't ok to be bad at this. The best pool players in the room — and the wisest people in your life — are the ones who never react to just the first ball. Be that person.

What is it saying to you?

Have you been on the receiving end of this treatment? How did you feel?

Why are we inclined to want to act off of the first argument?

How do you remind yourself to hear the whole story before acting?

What are we going to do about it?

Before you fire off that text, before you take a side, before you "just want to let them know" what you heard, stop. The table has more balls on it than the one in front of you. Are you sure you know where the cue ball is going to land?